Your doctor works for you. You pay them to take care of your body or your child's body. We interview babysitters, teachers, new employees, even housekeepers and dog-walkers — yet we walk blindly into a medical institution, put our hands in the air, and say, "heal me." How can we or they expect that to work? They are taught they have all the answers. We are taught to go where we're herded with no questions asked. The key is this: we must communicate with our doctors. We are the door that must be unlocked, and each piece of information we share brings the code closer to being cracked.
Doctors are wonderful people. They genuinely want to help. But when it comes to chronic conditions, the only way to help is by listening — because the web of conditions is so complex. They work for us and with us, not over us. We hire them to use their skills and knowledge to piece together the puzzle of our health. But so many times we expect them to show us the finished picture without giving them any of the pieces. And they expect to figure it out without the pieces as well.
Educate yourself first. You must be in tune with your body, what it's telling you, and when symptoms arise. This is something doctors can only guess at. You are the only one who can speak with authority on these. If you need a specific test and don't know if your doctor will run it, have data and research to back it up. Print it off and bring it with you. How you ask after that is key.
Doctors are taught they have all the knowledge and are the superior when you walk in the room. This is misconstrued. They are working for you just as much as a plumber, electrician, or your college professor. We pay them to fix or teach us something. We sought them out, and together, progress is made. With doctors specifically, they need us just as much as we need them — for clinical trial, symptoms, patients to work on, and to teach them whether their hypotheses and recommendations work. They have spent countless hours studying and earning their letters. But we cannot forget why they earned them — to guide and assist us, not order and create ultimatums.
We need this understanding to form our questions. Ask in a way that is polite, acknowledging they are the more learned in the room. Ask, don't demand or act defensive. Take low iron, for instance, and then Alpha Gal testing. You've done your research — you know the symptoms for iron deficiency, you've got them all. It runs in your family. You've been eating a low red meat diet due to reactions to red meat. You'd feel more comfortable ruling out low levels, and would really appreciate having a complete panel run (share all the specific markers you'd like run), since — as you certainly know, Doctor — deficiency can show up in more hidden ways, not just in the ferratin level.
For Alpha Gal: you've been outside a lot over the summer in a state ticks are prevalent. You've noticed increasing symptoms around eating red meat, so you avoid it. You're concerned about it and would like to have peace of mind one way or the other, knowing if you can eat dairy as well, since you've been feeling off with milk and cheese as well. It's really playing the "poor me" card in one way — making sure they still feel in charge, and that they can solve this problem for you and create solutions, all the while, doing what you're asking. SET THEM UP FOR SUCCESS. You've already done all the hard work-- connecting the dots to what your body personally needs.
When they want to prescribe a medication, you can either just let them and then not take it, or do your due diligence — see if there is something without black box warnings, or that is more beneficial and recommended in sensitive individuals like yourself. Take MCAS, for instance: what a PCP or allergist will prescribe still has all the fillers and is often one of the three most reactive allergy drugs for sensitive MCAS patients. Find compounding pharmacies, call them, make sure they would carry and could formulate without fillers, the safer drug options.
Ask to try the other clean and less reactive form of prescription because "I'm so sensitive and react to everything. I always end up with all the worst side effects that the black box lists, and I'm just not in a place to try that right now. This one — ketotifen — I've heard good things about it from many of the MCAS patients in my community. And when it's a clean, compounded form, I might not have any reaction!" Again, they feel like they are solving the problem. You aren't asking, "What do you think is better?" Chances are they may not even be familiar with what you're asking for, but to look good, they'll prescribe it — since they don't want the patient to know more than them.
When we go in scared, completely at a loss of what we're going through, and asking them to help and tell us what's going on — for me personally, at least — this has always ended poorly. They have no clue what you're going through. They have no clue how to fix it. And they may even tell you it's all in your head and to go get therapy. Bring them the manual, and then they have the license to get you the tool to help fix the issue. Ask questions. Let your Doctor earn your trust, not demand it from you.
In counseling, it's all about listening. This is how the counselor figures out the issues deep at the heart of the external forms of expression. Our symptoms are just this — external expressions of what's going on at a much deeper level. Our physical health needs to be addressed the exact same way. If we allow our doctors to put sticks over holes and cover them with leaves, this sets the perfect trap and a cascade of other health issues to fall into it down the road. Research. Educate. Advocate. You are the link the doctor needs to help you regain health.
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